Denial
by JordiiPordiiPuddinPie
Summary: As much of a hard-ass with a heart of ice as he may seem, Rin Matsuoka really does care for his old friends from the Iwatobi Swim Club. He misses them and as much as he tries to deny it to himself, there's no one he misses more than Haruka Nanase, at the end of the day. T for swearing.


I don't have a whole lot to say for this one aside from that I hope everyone enjoys it. Also, this is rated T for swearing, so be... warned?

**Summary: ** As rough as he may seem, Rin Matsuoka really does care for his old friends from the Iwatobi Swim Club. He misses them and as much as he tries to deny it to himself, there's no one he misses more than Haruka Nanase, at the end of it all. T for swearing.

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN _FREE! IWATOBI SWIM CLUB. _Geez, how many times do I have to remind myself? It's heartbreaking, you know!**

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_"Them boys that were here... They don't go to this school, right? What — they friends of your's?"_

Rin scoffed, turning his head to the side as he lay in his bed at Samezuka Academy, the lights turned off and the digital clock at his bedside reading 1:54AM.

_Of course not,_ The purple-haired male thought as he shifted, turning over onto his side to face the wall. He was still dressed in his white jacket and pants — the ones he'd worn earlier that evening before his big match against Haru.

At the time, however, it wasn't just, _"Of course not."_ In fact, all he'd offered to the teacher's ridiculous proposal — his _so ridiculous_ proposal — was a snarl and otherwise silence, storming off and coming back here, to his dorm room, where he'd been laying around on his bed ever since.

That'd been hours ago now. Three... four... five. And here he was, still laying in bed, still... thinking.

_I can't believe that pansy let me win,_ Rin thought to himself as he stared hard at his bedroom wall, letting his mind wander back for the hundredth time to earlier in the night, when he'd been so happy to have beaten Haru, only to realize the black-haired, stotic boy hadn't been taking him seriously at all. That he'd let him win; still been better than him, in truth.

Rin snarled, lashing out and punching his bedroom wall, causing a soft **_bang!_ **noise. God, it pissed him off. Here he'd gone off to a prissy Australian swimming school for four years to train to get better, good enough to beat that Haru, and still nothing had changed. He may have gotten better, but he hadn't gotten _good enough_ still.

_That bastard must've been born a merfreak or something,_ The bitter swimmer thought as he rolled back over onto his back, staring at the always and forever empty bunkbed above his. Slowly, his glaring eyes softened.

He'd often wondered before... what it'd be like to have one of his old buddies from the Iwatobi Swim Club sleeping in the bed above him, living in the same room as himself. It'd only been about a month since he'd transferred to Samezuka and started staying in this room, but he'd already imagined the possibility numerous times. Each boy held different possibilites, different themes that sprang into his head when he thought of living with them here in this room.

With Makoto, the room would always be nice, neat, and tidy. He wouldn't be able to leave his dirty clothes laying everywhere, spawled out in massive piles on the floor or strung across the furniture — which would be okay, because that wasn't a habit of his, anyway. Makoto would wake him up super bright and early everyday, making sure he got up and got ready to go to class. They'd probably go down to the cafeteria and grab a quick bite to eat before heading off to first period — a breakfast rice ball or something or maybe some coffee to wake themselves up for the day. They'd attend all their classes and any other miscellaneous engagements, before they'd both come back to their dorm room at the end of it all, tired but having had pretty good days. Makoto would let him shower first, naturally, then follow suit and they'd stay up and talk for a little while before going to sleep, the cycle set to repeat once the morning came.

Rin snickered slightly, shutting his eyes. Yeah, having Makoto here wouldn't really be so bad. If anything, he'd be the best option out of the group to have as a roommate. After all...

Nagisa was a mess, from what he remembered. The boy kept all his shit out of place and messy — Rin had been to his house once or twice before as kids, back when they'd play together — and everything Nagisa had had to be cute, even though he was a boy and _"cute"_ should _not_ have been an option. This entire room would be filled with little figurines and plushies slung everywhere if Nagisa lived with him.

_Fuck if I'd want that,_ Rin thought to himself harshly, but his smile only widened on his face.

Nagisa would be the sort of roommate he could have fun with, at least. Yeah, the mornings would probably be a bitch because, from what he remembered, Nagisa was hard to get out of bed, but he'd manage to get the little blonde up and at'em somehow. Then of course Nagisa would probably have to be poked and prodded into getting ready, but then once he was in the bathroom he'd probably take forever-and-a-fucking-half. They'd go off to class, going their seperate ways pretty early on because Nagisa was a first year and he was a second year, and they'd just go about their days in a regular, plain-old fashion. They wouldn't sit together at lunch — Rin would have his own little posse and Nagisa would have his little friend circle of freshmen. It'd be a while before they reunited.

As the night approached and their curfew came, however, the two would sneak downstairs to the school's kitchen and grab all the ice cream they could and carry it back to their room. There they would stay up and tell crazy stories about friends or things they'd heard or whatever, maybe surf the internet a little and what not.

_Bet I'd be the only one with a stomachache after all that ice cream, though,_ Rin thought a bit bittersweetly, folding his hands behind his head. Nagisa had a stomach of steel, whereas he didn't.

_Nagisa, Makoto... Then would come Haruka._ Rin's eyes opened, narrowed back into a glare as he frowned up at the bunk above his.

Haruka'd have to have this bottom bunk of his, for starters. From what Rin could recall, the boy didn't like heights in the slightest. He didn't really, either, though, so they'd probably get into it about that. Haruka would stay pretty quiet the whole time, though, because he found bickering in and of itself to be a hassle. He'd still be the one to win, though, as Rin would finally cave and give the stupid idiot the dumb old bottom bunk. Once that was settled, they'd go to sleep with him pissed off and Haruka feeling indifferent towards the whole thing.

_Like he does everything,_ Rin found himself thinking furiously, _like racing against me._

When the morning came, Haruka would be out of bed before him, but wouldn't bother to wake him up. He'd go into the bathroom and take a shower or a bath, or whatever it was he took now — Rin remembered in the past that he really liked baths. He'd have to demand that Haruka get out before he would get the chance to shower himself. Then, yeah, they'd head off to class together, Rin's buddies catching up along the way, pulling him away, but then he'd look back and see Haru by himself and feel guilty. He'd pull away, excuse himself gruffly, and wander back to Haru, hooking his arm around the boy's shoulders, practically strangling him. He'd pull him along to their first period, where they'd pretty much sit in silence as they listened to their teacher.

_The whole day would be nothing but quiet,_ Rin thought with a scowl, thinking it to be totally and completely boring. Like, out of this world boring.

Lunch would come and his friends would want to sit with him, but Rin would start to feel uncomfortable because he felt like Haru felt uncomfortable. For at least the second time that day, he'd wave his friends away and sit with Haruka, still in silence. Their afternoon classes would go the same way as their morning classes had, then they'd go back to their dorm and quietly do their homework and just sit around, saying nothing. He wouldn't pull the dick-move of leaving Haruka by himself, instead opting to stay with him while his friends went out and had fun, and so he'd always feel pissed off towards the other boy, sitting around in his angst.

But then around eight or nine o'clock, just after curfew, Haru would turn to him and suggest they go down to the school pool to swim. He'd be taken back, but would agree, halfheartedly joking about racing Haru, who'd only shake his head a little and sigh before moving to start stripping. Rin would watch him for a moment, taking in his muscled form, before looking away and getting up, proceeding to strip, as well.

Once they got to the pool they'd swim quietly and he'd ask a thousand and one times if Haru wanted to race, to which the boy would agree every time, only to let him win each time, effectively pissing him off. After the seventh or eighth race, however, he would forget about beating Haru and would just swim laps with the other boy, laughing the whole time while Haruka just smiled, both having taken the competition out of the situation. Both having forgotten about winning and losing, and how awesome it was to win.

It was at about this point that Rin realized this fantasy of his was getting _too nice_, and so he cut it short.

_Not getting to win would suck,_ The teen thought with a sigh, _and so would living with that wussy guy._ He told himself, rolling over to face the wall for the second time that night, closing his eyes and preparing to finally let sleep take him. _Haru would be the worst to live with,_ He told himself, _I'd rather live with one of the other two._ He was feeling that way in every bone, muscle, and organ in his body. All except one.

In his heart, in the one place that really mattered, he knew he was in denial — could feel himself crying out.

If anyone, he'd rather have Haru here. Haru and only Haru, here with him for the rest of his days at Samezuka.

Only Haru could make this place feel like home, he knew the same way he'd always known while in Australia that only Haru could make that stuck up, snobby-ass school feel right to him. Only Haru.

He may have always denied it, but in his eyes there had always been Haru and only Haru.

And there would probably only _ever be _Haruka Nanase. And he might deny it, but Rin Matsuoka was strangely okay with that.

**THE END.**

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So, actually, I'd initially planned to make this rated M. As I started writing it, however, things changed and I found myself thinking, _"Jordan, if you made this M rated now, it'd be forced." _So I dropped the adult theme I'd originally planned to have. But yeah; just a little look into Rin's brain and what I wish was there. Bye, guys!


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